There are different parts of us that will desire different men; some we desire with our hearts, some with our minds, some with our bodies.
A great deal of the time, however, at least one of those other parts of us is saying "No way. Not going to happen."
When I started this series of blogs, it began with the fact that I had spent 20 years misdiagnosed; I was told I would never be able to have sex, and found out last month it was untrue.
Some of you have already commented on this and I thank you for your kind thoughts. Through this process of writing about it, I realized a wonderful thing; I was never the victim of a misdiagnosis; I made all my own choices, each step down the path that has been my life thus far.
I did believe the doctors when they said it was impossible. I'm sure I used it as an excuse, a crutch, and a reason to set myself apart. It's so wonderful to have reasons why you don't fully have to enter the world if you don't want to.
As I've already shared, things changed for me in January. I realized that for the first time in my life, I cared about a man more deeply than I ever have before. For the first time in my life, no part of me disagreed. Mind, heart, body, all in tune.
As soon as that occurred, I decided that regardless of what I had ever been told, I was going to find a way to be a full person. I started out by having my ablation; as I've mentioned previously, I never dreamed it would fix my problem, but thought it could be a small start to improving my situation. Instead, my problem was removed during that surgery, 100%.
So what to take from this? The choice, the power to change things for myself was in me all along. The moment I made a decision that the fate I had been handed was unacceptable, I was able to get a new one. It just required me caring enough to do something about it.
Granted, I never knew the power was in my hands; but does that matter? The bottom line is that if some other man had inspired me at 24 to break through these barriers, I would have been able to remove this issue then. None of them did.
Just like Dorothy, I was wearing my ruby slippers all along. I may not have known they'd take me home, but it doesn't change the fact that the very first time I decided to click my heels together, I was taken where I wanted to be.
It's such a wonderful thought - no victims, no bitterness, just the knowledge that I waited these years because obviously, that's what was right for me. When I wanted it, when I cared, all my options lay out before me.
I wonder how often that's the case and we don't realize it?
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